Some quick closing thoughts

I am not a blogger. There were times when I enjoyed writing it more than others. Whether I liked it or not, I do see the value in blogging daily in such a course as Gender and Conflict. When we read about different theories and models, and we need to write about them, it always comes out better when we make it personal. We can use personal experiences, opinions, references in politics or the media...It really has been great. I know that even though this class is over, I will not stop thinking about things through gendered-colored glasses. I also very much enjoyed the semester-long projects. The lit-review, not so much, but presenting and also seeing other students present is just another perspective that is valuable when learning. Even when we were working in our small group, we had differing opinions and experiences and we got into arguements. But that is the point. Healthy debates helps everyone grow and understand others. I have learned so much about different cultures, religions, oppression, feminist theory, media, psychology, and so much more all through gender. I know this is not the best thing to admit, but I admit that I don't absorb everything in a class (ok but if you say you do, you're lying so at least I am honest). This is one class where I feel I have taken so much away from, I will be quoting Tong and Frye for years to come! Before this course, I did consider myself a feminist. Not the crazy, radical that starve themselves or try to castrate the male population. But I do believe in equality, which I do not think we are completely there yet. After this class though, I realize that there is so much more dimension to feminism. It was great to see some boys in the class. Feminism needs informed allies. Who knows? Maybe we will see one of those guys in congress in a few years passing bills for actual equal pay. Until then, I hope that this class impacted them as much as it has impacted me.

Head scarves & Hijabs =/= Oppression

The final presentation was today. We ended with gender and religion. It was spilt into the three main sectors of religion: Hindu, Christian and Islam. Hannah asked me to speak a little about Orthodoxy, but I was caught off guard when I was considered a guest speaker. I just tried to emphasize that just because our faith hasn't really changed since its beginning does not mean that women are oppressed. True, most juristidions of Orthodoxy require women to cover their heads when they enter a monastery or church.
The reason this doesn't feel like oppression to us is because it was all that they knew so they didn't consider it oppression because they had nothing to go off of. Women cannot go behind the iconostasis ( a screen or wall which serves as a stable support for icons and marks the boundary between the nave and the altar or sanctuary) because all of the apostoles were men. And obviosuly, there are no women ministers. This is significant because Orthodoxy is an aposticistic religion meaning that it stems from the apostles. Traditionally, women and men are separated (women on the left with the Virgin Mary and men on the right with Christ) during liturgy. Women usually hold jobs of administration assistants, and maintenence of the church. Personally, I do not feel oppressed by my church because it is not about me. It is about our service and devotion to God. Individuality doesn't really matter when we are worshipping. This does not mean that God wants us all to be exactly the same; however, when we are in church, faith and heart matter, not a nice hairdo or a pretty dress. The only thing that does totally urk me is that women can never visit Mount Athos, one of the holiest places on earth. It seems unfair, but the rationale is that women would be a threat in the monastism and a distration to the pure. Personally, I believe that we should be allowed to be pilgrims just like males, and if monks are distracted, then they obviosuly are not as fully devout as they seem. And I am not judging, but I feel that if we piosly entered just as the rest, why should it matter what sex we are? Overall though, I don't feel any need to complain about where I and my fellow woman stand (literally) in the Orthodox church.
The Muslim women are also seen to the western world as oppressed by their dress. The Hijab for some does mean oppression, while for others it means freedom and liberation. One woman in an interview said that she can be seen for her internal qualities when she wears her hijab because she cannot be judged by her appearance. Just like in the youtube clip we showed in our presentation about culture and Opera was trying to encourage women to not wear them because they are oppressing themselves, oppression is seen in the eyes of the beholder.
So like in Orthodoxy, it is all that the Muslum women know, so they do not see it as oppression. Sometimes it is hard not to stare, but the least we can do is not judge. Everyone is fighting their own battle and we don't know anyone's story, so we can't judge.
One I feel like we can judge because it seems absolutely insane is the caste system. Truth though, we can't judge that either. Though the Love Commandos article was a little unnerving, there is plenty of research that argues that arranged marriages are sometimes more successful than marrying for love. Toria made a good point. Sad but true, a marriage is a legal agreement which has financial benefits. She mentioned that even though we marry for love here, it is still a financial agreement that may not be as balanced as the arranged ones. Love can't pay the bills. Arranged marriages have the potential to.

When Harry Met Sally. Classic.

Today was a boring, lazy Saturday afternoon. As I was flipping through the channels for something mindless to watch, I came across the travel channel. Food paradise was on and they were doing a special on best sandwiches in the United States. Of course amongst them was Primanti Brothers in Pittsburg where they stuff the sides (french fries and coleslaw) in the sandwich. However, the reason for this post is not to ramble about how delicious a Primanti sandwich is (though I could if that was the assignment). Another famous sandwich shoppe is the one where Sally has a fake orgasm in "When Harry Met Sally." Katz Deli is in New York City (center of the universe according to Angel). After they replayed that scene in the Food Paradise episode, I decided to watch the movie in its entirety. I never thought about Harry's critique of co-ed relationships the way I am after this course. From this point on in this post, I'm just going to throw some quotes out there.
The famous, men and women cannot be friends according to Harry:
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not!
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: I guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.
Now that I think about it...nope I still disagree with Harry. I have had friends of the opposite sex since I was little. In fact, my best friends growing up were all boys. I did and still do have friends that I am not attracted to. But Harry says that its more for men than women. And, now looking back on it, it wasn't all of my friends, but sometimes the boys that I spent a lot of time with did show some non-friendly interactions. Middle school and my early years of high school I really had no interest in dating or any of that nonsense stuff. As far as I was concerned, boys still had cooties. Hopefully my pre-pubescent guy friends weren't thinking as graphically as Harry says they do, but eventually, there was some sexual tension. Ok Harry, but Sally still proved that women fake orgasms on occasion (and probably more often than males would like to know).
And to answer the question on the cover of the (once VHS) movie: "Can two friends sleep together and still love each other in the morning?" my analysis makes me believe that they were never really friends, just intended lovers too stubborn to admit it for years.

You're not woman enough to pee here

I have really been waiting for this presentation all semester. The girls started with some definitions and terms. Then they explained the Kinsey scale a bit and how it is not fluid. This is very frustrating because only allows for 2 genders. One author we read from I forget who but he said that there are actually 5 genders represented in tribes in Indonesia. I am really unfamiliar with any gender besides the mainstream male and female. Toria and her girlfriend have been working with our professor to design a new model which allows for more freedom in terms of "genderizing." So there are three pieces: identity, expression, and attribution. And the idea is that this model allows for fluid change. Each part has 5 lines in which you fill in M for male, F for female or 0 for nothing. To sum it up, identity is who you believe you are, expression is how you show others who you are, and attribution is how others see you. According to this model, these things can constantly change. One day, you can feel like you are expressing more feminine traits and another day, more masculine. I know they said there is a neutral piece to it, but I just don't see it. I don't see how you can feel like you are nothing some days. Even after Celia's explanation of parenting and gender, I still don't really understand that part. They said they have a lot of work to do with this model still but the fact that new ideas can arise from this about gender is such an exicitng thing to hear about!

When I first heard about the transgendered population here at Juniata, I didn't really think much of it. Leave them alone, they aren't hurting anyone. Well, eventually, it became a bigger issue when Andie started using the girl bathrooms on campus. Just so as not to cause bigger problems, my solution would be just for those 5 minutes you use the facilities, use the boys'. Then, I became better friends with Toria and Andie, and heard their story a little. Andie said she isn't transgendered to make a statement, she said she feels wrong thinking herself as a male. She says it just doesn't feel right and its hard everyday when people say she is male. She has also said that if she could change to fit what her gender is, she would. Andie says that biological sex is just plumbing and it shouldn't be the single defining factor of someone's gender. She doesn't want to be a burden and feel different all the time. My heart broke a little after hearing Andie talk about this to our class where some people just don't understand. I don't think they are trying to be mean, but it is just such a foreign idea to them that it seemed like they were attacking Andie at some points. I adore Andie and Toria. I am always so astounded by how brave these two are. Despite the harsh looks and loud whispers, they refuse to change to fit the norms. I admire their courage so much and wish them only the best in their future.

4 Poems

When I Was Growing Up- Wong writes about a young Chinese girl in America. She talks about the things she is proud of and the things she is ashamed of. She wants to be white, clean, fit in...She despises her Chinese culture. She sees that as her oppression. This is a perfect example of Cudd's research about oppression by choice. Cudd argues that society constructs oppression and the oppressed reinforce it by allowing themselves to feel like they they deserve to be oppressed because they are in some way different. She is allowing all of the parts she hates about herself and her culture continue to fight against her. Instead of embracing her beauty and traditions, she sees them as obstacles. Going back to our presentation about Culture, this piece is similar to the one we had the class read about the Asian American women. They succumb to the norms and stereotypes the county bestows upon them and instead of fighting against these unfair claims, they just go right along with it. So does Wong's character here. We even talked in our presentation about grouping smaller cultures together by geographic location and appearances. There is a part in the poem where she says "when I was growing up, people would ask if I were Filipino, Polynesian, Portuguese." She doesn't even carry her own identity of Chinese, she is simply bunched together with other non-white populations. This is so sad because Philippines have different culture to China to Japan, etc. and every time we group people together like that, we are disregarding all the differences in the separate cultures, robbing them of their individual beauties.

The Bridge Poem- Rushin's character is tired of being used. She feels like the token black person, the communicator and fitting all of the stereotypes bestowed upon her and her group. I can't relate to Rushin. I have never been the token person for any group really. I can sympathize with her and see her pain in trying to connect everyone else by being everyone else's bridge. I just hope besides feeling these emotions, she acts on them and remembers to think about her own journey. She says it, but she needs to actually take those steps to freeing herself. It goes back to oppression by choice in a way. Once she disconnects herself as the bridge for others, she can start building her own for her own future.

And when you leave, take your pictures with you- the first thing that came to mind when this poem was read out loud was that image of the ltook a little girl in I think it was Vietnam. It was right after a raid and the little girl was on fire, running away from the napalm, crying and screaming for her mother. The photographer picture of Kim Phuc, and then only after he got his treasure which was sure to win him a Pulitzer Prize, did he throw his water on her searing wounds. Nick Ut, American reporter and photographer, got Kim to an American hospital in Saigon, where she made a full recovery. This piece reminded me of Kim because Nick took his picture, became famous, but also saved her life. Carrillo in this poem seems to show a little resentment to the photographers of the world who are trying to reveal the truth to the blind. I don't think it is all bad to want to present what is happening overseas to others. I can see what she is feeling in terms of credibility and reasoning for doing things. People ultimately do everything they can for themselves. Even acts of kindness can have ulterior motives. We want to help the orphans and the homeless, but we also want to make it our facebook profile picture so people can see what good we are doing with our time. I do it too. I would like to be able to say that it is completely selfless and I don't do it at all for the glory. I try not to, but when others see what you are doing and praise you for it, it is very difficult to be humble. I have countless pictures of orphans, homeless people, hungry, etc. that I unfortunately never helped. My photos are not pulitzer prize worthy or anything but when others see them, they see that I and others are trying to help. Oh what good things you are doing. Oh, God is pleased. Oh, you should be so proud of yourself... No. I don't want to be proud. I just want to help. But even Kim and Jo see people like me as a threat and as the bad guy. We just want our pictures, a few hours with the less fortunate and then we are gone. What Jo doesn't know is that I have a very special place in my heart for all that I have witnessed and helped. Nick saved Kim's life. Now she has a family and a life. I can't say I saved anyone's life, but I know that some remember me and I remember all of them. I just hope we are helping in the right way.

I help because-
I help but we're not oppressed. white, middle-class, heterosexual females.
So am I helping because I am privileged?
Mommy and Daddy always taught me to treat others the way you want to be treated.
Do I help because I feel bad, because I can and I think I should?
I am an able woman with two strong hands and willing heart.
Am I an ally because I am pained when I see others being mistreated or struggling for unfair reasons?
They are my friends.
I am not sick, but I am still in the fight against cancer.
You look at race, gender, sexuality, age, intelligence...
but never see passion, love, desire for peace, happiness, tranquility. heart.

Cultural Hurdles

Our group presented today. Our topic was the depiction of gender in the media across cultures. We asked the class to read three readings about real life cases where gender plays a role in the culture. All three got good responses. There were several moments today throughout our presentation where someone's opinion was not relevant to what we were discussing. We chose to work with the medium of media, because that is where a lot of influence comes from in terms of how others view a country/culture. Just because we said these things does not mean we agree with it. I don't think any of us from my group like to see the oppression of any one culture, but the point of our presentation wasn't to share our thoughts and opinions about how we want world peace starting with gender..no. It was about how Opera talks to women who wear head coverings and tells them they are being oppressed, when really they like where they are in life. It is all they know, so how can we call it oppression when they don't know otherwise? One person in the class was really getting on my nerves when they were saying that someone in their family is Asian and she is treated like any other American woman. Well great for her! Disagree with us, fine..But, don't sit there are tell us that our research is wrong because you know one person that doesn't fit the Asian American box. Like I said, I don't like knowing that Asian women are treated very differently here in the United States. Regardless of how I feel about it, it is still going on. The same goes for the big movement in Africa. American Evangelicals went there to promote terrorizing the homosexual populations. The first time I heard about this happening, I thought I was reading some fictional story in the newspaper. Then, the day before our presentation, it was on the home page of CNN.com that a bill was considered for passing to make it constitutional to harass those who fail to comply with straight heterosexual standards. Even though I am not Evangelical and I think how they campaign for people to convert is insane, I still felt embarrassed that these people were representing the United States in such a sick manner. My church doesn't believe in homosexuality (one point where me and Orthodoxy differ a bit) but we also don't go spreading hate amongst the impressionable. After our presentation, I became more interested in this topic, so I did some research of my own. When I saw headlines like Hang the Homos, I was astounded. Whether we as individuals or large groups agree with something or not is one thing, but it is another to act upon those emotions of distaste and hatred. The final article we sent out was about Ugly Betty and Latinos. Ugly Betty was the first Latina woman to be seen as something other than the stereotypical, hott and fiery woman. Then the article makes the comparison about how Latino men or men of any race can have different roles and have co-stars of different ethnic backgrounds. They can also have a girl of any color/race. This is rarely seen in the opposite direction. Why is that? I think our presentation went well and only continues to support the argument that life is a little less fair for women.

Black Friday Blues (& black and blues)

In the wee hours of the morning I dread most (well, besides mornings of finals), my sister starts "putting on her face" as I'm rolling out of bed. Traffic isn't bad at 1:30am, just gotta deal with the trucks and other crazy bargain shoppers. Our first stop was David's bridal, looking for a Madrigal dress for me that cost less than a 1/3 of what its real value is. All the wedding gowns were on sale, and there were crazed brides with their mothers' arms full of 50% off dresses. We even met this one girl that said she isn't even engaged, she just knows her boyfriend is going to propose this holiday season, and she thinks its best to take advantage of these sales now, because they aren't gonna wait for her "slow-poke-future-hubby." Nothing like jumpin the gun on one of the most important decisions of someone's life (I hope he buys her a diamond and not a plane ticket to the other coast for himself). We weren't impressed to see that none of the brides maid, evening, or cocktail dresses were on sale. To make a long story/day seem short (I have to make this a short post, because I have to continue to help wrap our treasures from black friday), I found a dress at Macy's (we weren't disappointed in their department store like we were with their parade) for about a 1/3 of its original price--or as my dad would say what it was probably worth to begin with. In my observations, I found it interesting to see the ratio of male to female shopping on this day. For the most part, the males were dads with their older children (usually pre-teen girls). Females ranged from girls who shop in the Limited-too (I'm sorry its Justice now) who think they are mature enough to shop without mommy, to older ladies shopping for young husbands and boyfriends, to girls our age out with their mothers trying to kills all the birds with one stone and get for everyone together on the same day. My observations led me to believe that dads took their (usually female) children out with them for help. They admit they can't browse through clearance racks and find deals or understand when they aren't getting ripped off on a certain product ($50 for a stainless steel tea pot what a steal! NOT). Whenever we come home from a shopping excursion (and I am not a big fan of them either), we are really excited to show mom the deals we found. Dad just rolls his eyes and says the best way to save money is to not spend any. What he fails to ever note is the fact that he needs new suits and pants and stuff sometimes too which entails spending money. Deals or not, underwear doesn't last forever. We didn't see any fights over things, but we saw minimal slow browsing. Instead, we saw the throwing (I embellish tossing aside) of final shoe sales and buy one get one earrings all over the place. To sum up our adventures of black Friday, there were no casualties between my sister and I. After some delicious Olive Garden artichoke dip and apple cobbler, we safely headed home to hear our mom praise us for doing well while dad just sits there and rolls his eyes.